


So Close, Yet So Far

by louvreangel



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, Drama & Romance, F/M, Friendship/Love, Hurt, If theirs isn't true love i don't know what is, Sad Ending, Self-Sacrifice, Spoilers, Tragedy, True Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-28
Updated: 2019-04-28
Packaged: 2020-02-08 19:56:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,291
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18630211
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/louvreangel/pseuds/louvreangel
Summary: *spoilers for Endgame, don't read this if you haven't watched the movie*Screw the plan, he wanted to say. Let's go home.This was their ending. But why did it have to be so tragic and why did they have to make this choice?





	So Close, Yet So Far

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: If you haven't watched Avengers: Endgame, don't read this fanfiction.  
> Click out right now because this fanfiction is based on one big fat spoiler.  
> It's a dark, sad fanfiction so if you don't want to feel even worse about Clintasha, I suggest you don't read it.

_Need a place to hide, but I can't find one near_  
_Wanna feel alive, outside I can't fight my fear_  
_Isn't it lovely, all alone_  
Heart made of glass, my mind of stone  
_Tear me to pieces, skin to bone_  
Hello, welcome home

_xBillie Eilish - Lovely_

* * *

Natasha held Clint’s hand in both her hands and tried to stop herself from letting the teardrops run down her cheeks. There was nothing more left to say, there was nothing more left to do. There was only one course of action they could take and Natasha was ready for what she was about to do.

She had been trying to be a good human being ever since he brought her in the S.H.I.E.L.D. quarters and told everyone that she deserved a second chance. How could he say such thing and believe what he was saying, was still beyond her. She never thought she could be anything more than a killing machine created by the Red Room. Then she did things. Good things. She even found people she could call _family_ and fought by their side for years.

They were both on this mountain at that moment and she knew if someone else from the team had come here, the whole mission would have gone into ashes. The other person had to sacrifice someone they loved and held dear more than anything else in this world in order to get a hold of the stone. Everyone in their team had some other people they held dear in their lives. If they had been up on this mountain, it wouldn’t work. It just wouldn't.

Maybe that was why they were here in the first place. Maybe Nebula somehow knew it would come to this. Or maybe this was their fate and it was supposed to end like this.

Clint put his forehead on hers and closed his eyes to breathe in her beautiful, familiar scent. His eyes were watery just like hers, his hand in her hands was shaking. He was more than ready to sacrifice himself for her. He wasn’t even thinking of the bigger picture of saving the whole planet anymore. He was just thinking that he wouldn’t be able to live with himself if she was to jump to her death in order to save his life.

He couldn’t kiss her.

She couldn’t kiss him.

He had a family. He had kids that were dust now, that were waiting to be brought back.

He was in this plan because he wanted them back.

Wasn't he?

But now, standing on top of a mountain with a red-faced demon watching over them to make their final decision, he didn’t want to be here anymore. If it meant that one of them had to die to save the other, he would much rather not go along with this plan and stay in this much cleaner planet of theirs with whoever’s left.

Yet, they both couldn’t give up at that point.

Let’s go back home, he wanted to say. Screw the fucking plan, let’s get out of here, he wanted to say but it was way too late for that. Everyone was fighting somewhere to get their beloved ones back and neither Clint nor Natasha were cowards.

His lips moved a little to say something but nothing came out. He could feel her fast breathing, tears finally falling down her cheeks and with the weight of the world on his shoulders, he let go of her hand and moved.

He moved as fast as he could but so did she.

It was a competition at that point. However, there was no winner at the end of this one.

How the hell they ended up like that, he had no idea. She said it was okay but it was obviously not okay. How could it be okay, to let go of her like that? Letting go of her meant letting go of a part of himself. It meant killing a part of him that made him a better man along with her. Maybe he was selfish, maybe he was being a child for not wanting to continue with the plan but who could really blame him if they _knew_?

Alright. This was it. He was giving up. Screw the plan. Screw the planet. They had damaged it enough anyways.

 _Don’t, please_ , he begged. But she was letting go of him. Why was she doing this to him? She wasn't holding his hand anymore. Why was she so ready to die for him? This wasn't a S.H.I.E.L.D. mission, goddammit, there was no backup coming to save them. This was the final decision. The final step of the plan. It all depended on them getting the stone. But he didn't want the stone anymore. Not like this. 

_Not like this._

He wanted to say he loved her, but didn’t she already know?

She wanted to say she loved him, but didn’t he already know?

They were both on that mountain, fighting to save one another from going to their deaths. Wasn’t that enough to show how much they loved each other? It was more than enough. They both knew that they mattered the most to each other. Clint only had Natasha left and Natasha only had Clint left in their little corner of the world. Love was for children maybe but this, this wasn’t for children at all.

The world had been on fire once and she had tried to make a bargain for one man only.

The world had been collapsing and he was thinking where the hell she was, because no one had an idea where on earth she was.

There had been a fight that was about to be lost, he was on the ground with a bullet in his arm, she was by his side immediately.

She had been captured, he had been there to locate and save her.

For years, so many times as Strike Team: Delta they had been together, they went to parties as couples to find their targets, they fought like old married couples, they laughed together, they danced together, they stitched each other up after every single mission. They slept together, they soothed each other's pain. They cried together. Natasha Romanoff had been a human with feelings when she was with him. Clint Barton had been a better man when he was with her.

This wasn’t how it was supposed to end.

This couldn’t be their happy ending. Didn't they deserve better than this?

He watched her fall to her death, in despair, he watched and couldn’t look away from her dead, lifeless body lying there. When he woke up in water, with the stone in his hand, he wasn’t sure anymore if it was worth it. He punched the water, he held the stone so harshly in his hand, as if wanting it to crash under his palm. He wanted her back.

All he wanted was to get _her_ back.

Then again, he didn’t even have enough time to mourn for her because there was a much bigger fight coming their way. This was all for that plan he much forgot about along the way on that mountain, wasn't it? Right, they were fighting to bring back the gone-with-the-wind five years ago.

His wife.

His children.

His long lost friends.

Life had never been fair to Clint nor Natasha. Why was life never fair when it came to them? Was trying to stay alive and happy so much to ask for?

Was wanting her by his side even after watching her die for him too much to ask for from God? Why did it have to be them?

Why, indeed...

 

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Sorry if this was dark and upset you but I still can't get over the movie. I don't think I'll ever recover from that. I am at a loss of words so I let my writing speak for me.
> 
> (I watched a great video the other day on Youtube, from a user called: heavenlyfire and she used Billie Eilish's song Lovely for her video. I think it's a great fit for Clintasha so I used the lyrics at the beginning of the fanfiction. It inspired me a lot.)


End file.
